Loafers are a versatile shoe

Searching for a gorge in the middle of no where. Slippery as a squirting cunt. Water was clear as day. Did fancy a swim. Shame that is cold as. Pretty devastating. But still lovely to look at for a while. Lovely little water fall. So still and clear, exquisite. Was a nice stroll there and back. Walking through little villages, farms and forests to get to the place. Not the best idea to do it slightly hung-over/drunk and in loafers. Which are now ruined from the rain and mud and snow. Fucked it. They not built for this shit. The village was odd. Not a single shop or pub. How can you not have a local. Only one crappy restaurant which was expensive as fuck. But nice to see some nature again, do get tired of the cities. Need to be able to walk around in woods sometimes. Back to hostel to get a cook on. Pasta. Got the veggies on the go, for a bit of health again. Messed up forgot the shops shut at 5. No alcohol to be found. Luckily old mate that owns the hostel also owns a bar. Takes us down the road to his pub. All closed down due to reservations. Down into the basement of the place to the storage. Starts pull out bottle after bottle. Beer, cider, wine, liquor. Passing out at the diner table and then the common couch. Having to taken to bed by another guest. Irish guy, bit odd put nice enough. Mixing alcohol always fucks you up.


Exploring the countryside

Venturing to the natural beauty of the lakes. Lake bled is our destination. Hour or so on the bus. But first we got to get supplies for the next couple days. We discovered an Aldi which as always is cheap as fuck. It is called Hofer though. Other than that exactly the same. Cheap as fuck and good products. Pasta and health is the aim of the shopping run. Fuck loads of veggies and some pasta. Strolling round Hofer still slightly drunk and sleep deprived. Carrying my giant ass backpack. And a big fucking basket of food. Sweatin like a cunt. The big ass debate of should we get 10litre sack of goon or just be sensible and get a smaller bottle of wine. In the end oddly for us the small bottle is ours. Which was a bad idea in the end cause obviously we run out and need a lot more. Fucked it up. But never mind being a grown-up means you got figure stuff out for yourself. Which sucks dick. But any-who. Get to the bus station, return tickets which is a new one for me. Some pastries on the bus to help us out. Definitely should of brought some water along for the journey. Only an hour we can manage. Love views of the mountains along the bus ride, its a crazy beautiful country.  Still snow on the mountains from the last couple weeks. Do fucking love snow. Even though I’m not rocking the best footwear for it. Loafers don’t give the best traction in snowy conditions. Met another Aussie cunt that was down for a mooch around the lake. Fucking beautiful view. Like 5km walk around the lake. And the lake is frozen over, we missed the real frozen though last week everyone was walking and ice skating on it. Which would of been skitz to do but now its just a little to thin to be safe. But still looks crazy as fuck. Aussie mate did a little walk and moonwalk on the ice. Took some ridiculous pictures for him. They’re madness the ice looked crazy, kept trying to break it along the way but no joy. Shit was too thick. Explore an odd abandon building walking round not actually finding shit. Having to walk on the biggest boards so we don’t fall through the ceiling. Shit was a bit sketchy. Fucking crazy views off the lake and mountains. Avoiding the nails and glass leaving the place. Slowly walking back to the hostel. Picking up some stuff at the supermarket on the way back. Soup and wine for the evening. Forgetting how big of alcoholics we are. Running out of booze. So we had to go to the bar down stairs to get a couple beers. Getting a free round cause some fuckers want to play poker. Great deal. Canny complain with that. Just move tables and get a free beverage. Back to the hostel talk some shit to people then hit the hay. Interesting night. But nothing special. Just another drunken adventure in a hostel.

Finally leaving Albania…

Getting the fuck out of the drug den. Harder than you’d imagine it is leaving a 5m room. The clean up was intense but the build up to the clean up took us through many stages of brain power. After several power naps and dart brakes we had partial brain function, not enough to actually use our dialect but enough to put bottles in bin bags. Then trails and tribulations of travelling in the Balkans hit as we realise they stop all the pissing buses cause its cold. Luckily we managed to bargain a cab to the next country for a reasonable price. So after some awkward broken conversation we settled in for the ride. Montenegro, interesting border control, no cigs or Raki allowed to enter. Also odd looks as an Albania, Turkish, Australian and Brit try to pass in the same vehicle. But after some stares and the most feeble ass pathetic stamp we were in. Lake views for most of the way only occasionally ruined by something throwing shit onto the road. Within minutes of entering it was weird. Apparently you don’t take your dog for a walk in Montenegro you take a few cows. Just down the main road, casual fuck. Podgorica don’t bother within minutes you can tell its going to be wank.

Freaking out the locals

When you’re too much of a drunken mess and it takes you 30minutes to realise that you feel asleep and didn’t just blackout for a few hours. Which obviously ends up in everyone just getting straight back on it. Slamming beers down at a rate of knots. The mess that ensues when everyone is consuming on an empty stomach is a sight to be hold. Sloppy sailing your way through the day. Having the weird stares in local shops as all you buy is soup coffee and 13.5 litres of beer. When you’re already slurrin your words, you just need to hide yourself away from the general public. The feeling I have now cause sassy is bank rolling me till I can sort money out is an odd one. Feel like an English rockstar not having to pay for anything and just getting fucked up. Don’t think that what people mean when they say travel helps you find yourself. But fuck it I’m fine with being an English rockstar.

Another day, another drug den.

Spent the entire evening paranoid about the holy orange that was being thrown around. Not able to let the orange touch the floor cause it will insult the God’s, probably all of them but mainly the Greek ones. That’s when you realise how much alcohol and weed have consumed. When you stand in a circle for hours transfixed on a fucking dumb ass orange that’s being chucked around randomly. Making odd runs to the local spar to stock up on beers and vino. Monging out in the local shops, freaking out the locals that are trying to understand spaz-dick English from 3 junkies. Fucking about in the hostel room cause we don’t have the brain power to talk to anyone else. Struggling for an hour on the phone to your parents cause it’s your pops birthday. Just having his slightly drunken rambles about how he’s going to buy a pig keeping the level of retard at a constant state. £100 for a days lesson on how to slice the body of a pig. Decapitate or whatever the fuck the word is. Butcher cunt remembered it. But at least at the end of the course you get 16kg of pork to take home with you. Shkoder has been a surprising place for interesting times.

Finally a heater


The joys of the mini heater, arguing about how little heat is coming out of the fucking machine. Not 100% sure if it is actually working or not. Standing in different rooms to cool down so we can enjoy the marginal temperature difference. Smoking as much weed as humanly possible, well on a budget. Listening to Nino’s life story and thinking why has he not been a documentary narrated by David Attenborough.

We met the “best” drug dealer in Albania

The cunt that is Yaqoob, the self names drug dealer of Albania. Which i guess is true unless you actually want to buy drugs then he’s about as much use a ripped condom. Fuck knuckle looks like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. We’d all got charged on a vodka and beer combo in the hope chewing our face off for the rest of the night. But it all fell through its arse all thanks to the best drug dealer in Albania not understanding that you need to have drugs to be a drug dealer. Had to wake Nino from his alcohol coma so we could get to the club and try find something on our own. Which was a disaster of a place, same shitty beat looped for hours and then the people there clapped the DJ. Fucking drongos. No narcotics in the brain and the alcohol wearing off we pulled the plug and split from that dead place.